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What is this? Who are you? "Was it in me?" he asked, as he held it to the light. This section is dedicated to confusing the issue: What is Matt and Tom? What We Say - Matt and Tom answering the question, What is Matt and Tom? What They Say - Cohorts of Matt and Tom answering the question, What is Matt and Tom? What You Say - The final word. What is Matt and Tom? Send us an e-mail. We'll post it.
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Matt and Tom answering the question: What is Matt and Tom?
What Matt say: "Tom and Matt is having your cake and eating it too. I pretend that I don't care what people think about Matt and Tom, but in fact I care deeply what people think about Matt and Tom. Unless they don't like Matt and Tom, in which case I could give a fuck what they think about Matt and Tom. I truly hope that you enjoy Matt and Tom. It is astonishing to see what Matt and Tom has become, and I feel it is crucial to understand that Matt and Tom is one of those things which is greater than the sum of it's parts. Matt and Tom is much, much more than Matt and Tom. Undoubtedly, Matt and Tom were destined to create music for the amusement of Matt and Tom, but the fact that you are reading this is due to the contributions of people who are named neither Matt nor Tom. Like LG. I like him".
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What Tom say: Matt and Tom is musical freedom, no bullshit, and hours of creative fun with friends. PS The guy who shot Dimebag was a douche bag. Peace out, Uncle Tommy For those interested, I have recently succeeded in upgrading my 3rd degree black belt in pussy licking to an honorable 4th degree thanks to our good friend Chyanne on MySpace. Check out her shit on our links page here. You can't miss her, she's the only one that will sexually arouse you, except maybe for Head Cheese. If this is the case...... WTF DUDE!!!!
RIP Wayne We miss you. Give 'em hell up there. Our friend Wayne singing the best fucking version of Jesus Left Chicago mp3... wma. Wayne left us this year. He's riding shotgun with The Man now. Hope you're feelin' no pain old buddy.
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What LG say: "It is what it is, without a doubt. If you don't like it, get the fuck out". The History: I met Tom 9 years before I met Matt. My friend and I moved into an apartment next to Tom back in 1995. We would hear incredible guitar riffs through the walls and see him walking to his car with long-haired, tatooed, freaky people in leather jackets that looked like they would knock your teeth out if you looked at them wrong. We didn't know it at the time, but we were looking at some lifelong friends (and a hefty dentist bill.) Our bands couldn't have been more different but we supported each other and even played out together. Both bands eventually dissolved but Tommy and I kept playing and recording together. Bastard Audio: Enter digital technology. I had myself a Roland 1680 and was back at the University getting my degree in Finance and spending way more time under the headphones than hitting the books. The guitarist from my old band also acquired a digital recorder and so we spent a lot of time together trying to figure out how to use them. The best way to do that is just record, record, record. For that though, you need music. So we spent many late nights 'having a few laughs' and just recording anything that popped into our sleep and oxygen deprived brains. The result was a 'don't give a fuck' melee of songs more for our own enjoyment than anyone else's. We called it Bastard Audio because we didn't even put our real names on the CD. Tom had been involved along the way and added some great guitar, ideas, and encouragement and best of all, he laughed. Enter Matt: I moved to the 'big city' to start a job after graduation and Tom had found a job working at a music store where he met Matt. During one visit he casually threw in a CD and said that he and Matt had decided they should get together some night and just 'get ripped and jam'. They recorded it. As I listened I realized it was Bastard taken to the next level. Tom and I had always been close friends shared a creative drive and healthy addiction to the trippy but when we got together I could never match his musical stylings and accompany some of the killer riffs he came up with. Enter Matt. Proficient on multiple instruments and road schooled in multiple bands of various musical genres and most importantly, he laughed his ass off the first time Tom wrote a lyric and sang it in his now famous 'Kermit the Frog meets Sammy Davis Jr'. vibrato. This is the spark that has erupted into what you now see before you. When these two get together this shit just happens. The Invitation: Tom (again in his casual, understated way) asked if I would want to stop by some Friday night and lay down some tracks. He knew how anal I was from the multiple takes I would require of him to nail a riff down to a gnat's ass and so he was quick to point out that I should just show up and chill, this was just for fun, don't plan anything out, just show up and see what happens. I was nervous. Writing with my bandmates had been like going into labor at times and I knew how I operated and didn't want to ruin the vibe they had going. This nervousness followed me that first night at Matt's up until I spewed my first hastily scribbled lyrics into the microphone and turned to look at Matt to see if there was any disappointment in his eyes. All I saw was a big grin when he said "perfect." Get Ripped and Jam: In fact it was far from the traditional sense of perfect. But what I found out was that Matt's eagerness to move on to the next track and his 'impatience' for second takes resulted in something peculiar. It was like creative boot camp. You'd better have your lyrics written by the time the bass line is done and while you are writing them you better listen to the track's beat, key, and structure because when he's done with the bass track - you're up and the mic is live. With all this corner cutting the final product can't be anything to write home about, right? Well... It turned out to be exactly what it was, nothing more, and nothing less. The final product was better than you thought it was going to be though, and when you finally sedated that side of your brain that was squirming at the mistake you made in that one verse, you realized that it was fucking honest. No pretense, no hiding behind effects, multiple takes, and editing. And then the weirdest part of all. People fucking loved it. They laughed their asses off. Not with us, but at us. As they should. The lyrics were inane - the stupidest shit we could come up with, mashed together with complete disregard for continuity - Matt and Tom had never been 'singers' so hearing Tom singing lofty, majestic passages with his angelic vibrato brought people to tears, first and foremost, Matt and Tom. And then the kicker - show up Friday night with nothing but your brain, come up with a song title (or use one of the hundreds of song titles Tom came up with in his spare time at work) lay down a drum beat with as little discussion as possible (taking great pains to make sure you are getting things done and having fun instead of worrying about what the final product would be) lay down bass, guitar, keys (leave it to Tom to come up with a killer riff and go from there) all the while scribbling lyrics often times not knowing what anyone else in the room is writing about, get up on the mic and deliver. Mix it down and burn it to disc. In one night the song is conceived, written, recorded, mixed, and burned. Show up with nothing - leave with a disc in hand - laughing all the way ha ha ha. Crazy shit. On top of all of this, Matt and Tom constantly invite people from all walks of life to stop by get up and do SOMETHING. It doesn't matter what you can or can't do. It doesn't matter what the song is about. It doesn't matter if you are scared shitless. Just get up and do it. I have seen the most disjointed sessions produce some of the funniest songs. Happy accidents, ideas from left field you never would have thought of, the head accountant of our county belting out a baritone chorus about a fat chick that swallows semen like its a cheesecake smoothie, a Professor of Mathematics writing a Critical Scholarly Analysis of The Universe, the list goes on and on. If you provide the right environment, which Tom and Matt do inadvertently, you will be amazed again and again what people have in them. Most people are aching to stand at the top of their office building with their pants down and yell "I got a big dick, so what?!" It's exercise for the creative side of the brain. No rules, no barriers, just encouragement. Relax your anus, take a deep breath, and blow out your colon onto the rug. Then hold it up for all to see, and proclaim proudly: "I made this!" Maybe we're all sick of the lip synching fake ass bullshit being shoved down our throats by the uber-media. Maybe we got dropped on our heads and never evolved beyond junior high. Maybe this clip from the end of Bring The Steel (Honky Ghetto) sums it up the best: We Don't Give A Fuckmp3 or wma. I make no apologies for the length of this answer because if you've read this far, chances are you are one of us and you got something out of it - everyone else quit reading a long time ago and is surfing porn by now. Speaking of that, check out this picture. Enough. Go create.
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| What Freddie say: So far, Freddie has only transmitted this news report (mp3) (wma) through our London office. |
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The final word.
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Speak up. We can't hear you. Entry #1 Name: Tyler from Long Island Get a life. I've heard some bad singers in my life but you guys take the cake. Stop polluting the world with your garbage.
Entry #2 Name: Audrey from Phoenix Tyler needs a therapist. This is my first time to your site. You guys are funny. MJ is a Gay is righteous. I think I peed a little.
Entry #3 Name: Audrey from Phoenix I showed my girlfriends from work and they want to meet you. We have some friends in Iowa City. Ever heard of the Deadwood?:)
Entry #4 Name: I am appalled at what you are broadcasting into the world. Have you ever heard of decency and censorship. Do you walk around town spouting filth such as this or must you hide behind a website? Find your place in the house of God and you shall be saved.
Entry #5 Name: Inspired in UK Thanks guys. I like some of your stuff but not all of it. But you inspired me to sit down and start working on a project I had put away for a year and a half after my daughter was born. The world is a dark place without freedom of expression and creativity. Thanks for the spark. I would love to send you a picture of my oil painting when its done. I will e-mail you and find out how.
Entry #6 Name: You guys are stpid hw lame are you guys. Metallca will crush you cock suckin ass bitvch fuck dickhead
Entry #7 Name: Audrey from Phoenix 9:30 :)
Entry #8 Name: Michael J C. Matt and Tom is an experiment by two gifted yet terribly misguided youths that has struck a blow against the stuck up, pompous, self absorbed, stereo typical musician that you may encounter at ,, oh,, I don't know,,say,,, shopping at a MUSIC STORE! Matt and Tom is a statement that life is something to be enjoyed and not something to be over analyzed, sanitized, moralized,desensitized, pulverized, criticized, and other wise,,,scrutinized.
Entry #9
Name: Jimmy Viper A serious rippin guitar maniac who obviously grew up with the Hatfields and McCoys. This form of audio therapy, although fulfilling, could be self-destructive over time without the proper medication.
Entry #10 Name: Peter the Cat 3 This album really sucks. Needs more "Oooh La La's". But all my drummer friends don't like the Universe - get a drummer! When's the next album coming out? I'm the best drummer in your Universe - call me.
Entry #11 Name: July This album makes me naked.
Entry #12 Name: The Reverend How do I get July's number? First time entry, long time fan.
Entry #13 Name: Manny I laughed, I cried, I got bored, I started listening again while doing the dishes, then started it over again, but I got a phone call, so I had to start it over and found it very frustrating that this is an hour long song encompassed in one track, so picking up where you left off is very hard. Peter doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm a much better drummer than Peter has hemorrhoid and who can't sit through a whole set without icing his asshole. It was pretty cool though, I guess. But I don't want to be your drummer. Unless it pays good. What does it pay? Also... this.
Entry #14 Name: Jason S. Hey, Tom told me to e-mail the site to help make sure stuff is working right. The site looks awesome, though I am told that it also has sound (my lame AOL connection does not seem to pick it up). I just got my copy of the Universe, and have watched a bunch of it already. Great job to everybody, and thank you for letting us little people enjoy all the sights and sounds. Truly, EDITOR'S NOTE: We suggest putting yourself deeply into debt by purchasing an up-to-date computer with a massive surround sound speaker package simply so you can roll your mouse over Flowerhead to hear it exclaim: Duh, doh, dih?, DUUH. Also, check back soon to see Jason's stunning and heart-wrenching caricature of Captain Boner.
Entry #15 Jason S. Yargh.
Entry # 16 Name: Torrey J. HEEEEEYYYYYY GUYTHS, I've been spreading your filth out here in the
Rocky Mountains for a while now and I have to say, I haven't felt this
dirty since I sat with Matt on his couch last summer!!! Do you guys know
that your songs speak to people on a level that no one wants to comprehend.
You guys are so underground now that I actually had to bury your C.D.
underground. Your ability to mix my love for boners and gym class into
one song will not only go down into rock n' roll history, but will actually
make my hand go down my Torrey J.
Entry # 17 Name: rippedbonetonight Hi. I ran across your website. Very interesting.
What are you guys planning for the future? I mean besides the 2naverse.
You guys should be famous.
Entry # 18 Name: rippedbonetonight Just came back and checked out the site again, and wanted to give a hearty thank you for the new sound clips. You guys seem to have the knack for turning off the filters in your brains that edit out ideas such as "Maybe we should write a song about stuff up asses." Then again, Eddie Murphy did have that big hit "Boogie in Your Butt", so maybe you're on the right track. More people should see your website. REPLY: What up, ripped. Thanks for the links you sent. That is some sweet video. Bad ass footage of the alien-stoner guy surfing after the planet blew up. Was that real video or animation? How did you get that shot of the chick doing the guy in mid-air? (During the claymation/jungle sequence) After seeing that I'll be watching my step around manholes :) Glad you like the new clips. I'm all caught up now. From now on I'll just be adding new songs as they are created (one a week usually). See you online Friday. I'm gonna roast your noob ass. Later.
Entry # 19 Name: Professor Largebodyofwateradultmale Oh meng this was some hillary-ari-ass pschitt!
I new I knew would enjoy Matt and Tom's latest "release", butt
on the hole, this is far(t) and above what I had ass-ticipated. Echo effects
on farts, that's something I hadn't heard before. Oh wait there was that
time I went speelunking after a visit to Taco John. Yep I bet those backfires
are still ringing! Putting together the scientific and Oh and of course Tom's "better (lower) half
" was in great 'voice'. All my love: Waltagasbag REPLY: We think of you with every minor explosion between our legs Master. We can only hope to weakly mimic your truly magnificent and detonatious outbursts of hot stenchful knowledge. Of your wisdom we breathe deeply.
Entry # 20 Name: Martino from Austin Hmmm. Listening to some bastard audio, I realize
there must be some subliminal suggestions threading through the notes.
I inevitably reach for a beer everytime the tunes begin, although I was
able to resist tonight considering the late hour. REPLY: Resistance is futile... Bastard Audio
page coming soon (a pre-cursor/outgrowth/siamese twin of Matt and Tom.) Entry # 21 Name: shawn o'keefe @ SXSW Music/Film/Interactive Festival The results are finally in. As I mentioned before,
we received so many entries in the competition this year -- the judges
had quite a difficult time determining the finalists in each category.
I'm sorry to report that we were not able to accept "Matt and Tom
University" as a finalist in the "Music" category this
year. The complete list of finalists will be available online later
tonight at www.sxsw.com/interactive/web_awards/. REPLY: DENIED! But we are so proud of our first rejection. We keep in the corner and feed it table scraps like the balding, deformed circus sideshow freak that it is. It's ugliness is somehow endearing. Notice the quotes around "Music." P.S. We we're turned down in the "Film" category, too. P.P.S We were turned down for the Cedar Rapids Independent Film Festival too. You like us.
Entry: #22 Name: Timmy Here's something... If someone pisses you off.... give them a SHITFISH. Just take a shit into their fishtank and watch all their fish rise magically to the surface. Oh joy.
Entry #23 Name: Wally Sailorman I finally listened to Matt and Tom's Somewhere
Over The Rainbow and it's twisted! After your initial nutty syncopated
variations on it, I expected Tom might digress into some tasteless explosive
rampage of bad words (such as "heck" and even "h - e -
double hockey sticks!") , but after his initial "check this
shit, bitches" it was pretty sedate. Of course the music was death-metal
inspired and had lots of virtuositicity. That Tom has gives good fuzz
boxx, man. And I know he wants to check out my wah-wah with his patch
cord! OWalt The RainBlow
Entry #24 Name: Uncle Tom Uncle Tom says: All you bitches best be posting shit up in here!!!!!!! >: [ I wanna hear from your asses! Let's go! Big D, Swanson, Moomey, Viner, all you bitches... Peace out motherfuckers. T.
Entry #25 Name: Rock Hudson Hi Matt and Tom! This is Rock Hudson writing! I may be a’ ol’ dead homo, but I still had to write to let you know how much your web site creams my corn! As a Carrion American, I don’t get much chance to get out to the bus stations and get laid and blowed any more, so I need all the entertainment I can get. And your version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow gives this former-superstar-turned-black-hole-for-a-fee a real mandingo, rigor mortus style!! And don’t let me forget (like I had any brain matter left in my decomposing skull to do that with anyway! Hey, who wants some of this head?! WAHAHAH!!!) to compliment that scholarly and insightful definition you give for Flatula: (The release of random ideas giving far greater pleasure to the giver than the receiver). Yo I just released a few of the remaining corpuscles I had left from my colon, and gosh darnit, I like the smell! It’s nutty and fruit-like and kind of reminds me of Jim Neighbor’s gerbil’s Speedo! Well, I gotta get back to some pressing business in which I get what little skeletal material I have remaining mashed into worm douche by a coupla tons of mud and sod sitting over my coffin-dominium. You know I haven’t felt this squished since I spent a weekend at one of my favorite “live” bars: Brad Butterball’s Real Turkish Man’s Bath and Dropped Soap Shower House on Fire Island. Thank god for Vaseline and piano wire!! Ha ha, I got a million of ‘em, and they’re all gay! Love and Twinks, Rock (“my name rhymes with what I like best”) Hudson
Entry #26 Name: muddbuttmafia Farts of space was the shit...Keep on supporting
the MUDBUTTMAFIA.COM... as well We had one Hell of A party This weekend.
For all you FUCKIN HATERS out there.......Tom fuckin rules ..you don't
like it DO SUMTHIN...thanks for being bad ass mutha fuckas.................
Entry #27 Name: GREENHAVEN Hey guys! Check out GREENHAVEN at MySpace or on their own site here.
Entry #28 Dear Tom and Matt, REPLY: Dude! That WAS Matt and Tom! After the Bruit bath we got laid for a week straight and we didn't sell your moped for parts we actually built our first recording device/dildo/waffle maker. Thanks to you we lost our virginity and recorded "Glory Hole" which, as everyone knows, has catapulted us into the spotlight and earned us a grammy. Thanks for the inspiration! We love you, MAWG!!
Entry #28 Dear Matt and Tom, This year’s Solon Beef Days (SBD) promises to be one gigantic hot blast! There’ll be no way to silence folks when they get wind of the breaking news about the latest SBD: this year’s theme will be Fun And Rockin’ Times! So come and get a load of our SBDs, you’ll be sorry if you don’t get behind this! The bottom line is that when our little part of Iowa gets whiff of what a good thing the SBD can really be, they’ll rear up and pass it along so fast you’ll be hanging on by the seat of your pants!! So don’t worry about raising a stink: when you’re ready for a full measure of some monumentally good times of the SBD kind, only your friends who don’t join in will be the butt of jokes. In fact many have told us they wish we could have some humongous SBDs throughout the year! For some who party often, SBD is a gas! For others, participating in the yearly SBD is a matter of duty. SBD: in the end it’s like a whole unto itself.
REPLY: Dear Mr. Snuggleblasterz, For the life of us we cannot understand why your ad did not make the papers. It seems to be the crowning glory of your body of work. One senses the strain and concentration it took to work this one out with a pencil and plenty of paper. Like a turtle poking its head out, it started out slowly but quickly increased in pressure and finally exploded! Soon those around you will be forced to take notice of the treasure you have produced and will surely comment on your intestinal fortitude. Soon those in-continent and overseas will join the movement and the world will be covered in the fluid mass of prose and carefully laid nuggets of wisdom you have forced from yourself.
Entry# 29 This site rocks! It contains nothing of any historical significance, but poignantly points its finger at the rest of our tripped out society; beckoning us to come hither while simultaneously flipping us off. If I knew where you bums lived I'd beat the living crap out of all of you. Twice. Just for laughs. Sincerely; Heofnoname Andisnotgay REPLY: Hey Heof! What's up man?!! Haven't talked to you since you gave us all a round of knob slobs that night! We impatiently await our beatings and will write a song about how gay you are to speed up the process. By the way, we found a distant common relative and so are also proud members of the Andisnotgay clan!!
Entry #30 Name: Allen I would just like to know how my wife makes the site licking not me. I dont even get a reference. It is my wife. snoogles! REPLY:We believe you are refering to this picture:
Didn't mean to leave you out Allen. We really appreciate you spending all that time on the net keeping us honest. Your wife was kind enough to send us one of your best photos:
Keep up the hard work!!!
Entry #31 Name: Svansieg I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the Bastard Audio section of the website! Some of my favorites are Happy Dog Humpy Toy, Sony Guts, Bucket O Chicken, and your cover of Mutilated Lips (very awesome!). I also really like Terminoid, The Clock, and Iowana from the B.A. CD.
Jason and I often philosophize pretty deeply about T&M songs, which inspired me to write this quote for the site:
What is it about the music of Matt and Tom that tickles our higher brain functions? There is buried wisdom, hidden meanings and deep significance in such pieces as ‘Shit Up My Ass’ and ‘Bonin' Fat Chicks.’ Children and adults alike who are exposed to copious amounts of Tom and Matt will approach a level of intelligence previously not thought possible.
-Svansieg REPLY: You rule dude! Matt loves nothing more than to have his ego stroked, Tom says ROCK ON FUCKER, and LG is thoroughly flattered and is currently looking up your address in order to stalk you properly. Dude your vocabrularly is off the charts! Keep on bonin' the Rock Hard Retard YO!! And lay off the Scotch Guard power bongs.
Entry #32 Name: Nikolai Hey fellas, I just wanted to let you know God just wrote me an email and claimed he was the self-proclaimed leader of the TMAOTTM fanclub. He also insisted that I let it be known that he hates pompous Christians who claim to know what filth is. He also wants the public to understand his desire to kill Pat Roberts from the 700 Club and that flamer Tyler from Long Island. So those bitches should be deceased within’ days. Please excuse my poor sentence structure I have no time for proofreading. Nikolai REPLY: Wierd. We got the same email from a guy named Beelzebub only he included Michael Jackson on the list. Anyway, thanks for the heads up! We hope all those motherfuckerz laugh their ass off on the way to the grave!!
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