Douchebag Patrol

Click here for the Douchebag Patrol anthem

Click to play or right click and "Save As" to download.

The legend of The Douchebag Patrol...

To understand this song you have to understand the evil world of MySpace. If you have not heard of MySpace (first of all you need to pull your head from your rectum and get a clue and join the rest of us on planet Earth) you need to know that this is a massive worldwide networking website where hundreds of millions of users have their own web pages that can be personalized to reflect their personality. Anyone can join this site for free. It's like a mini version of the world and literally every type of person is represented in some way. Now imagine what the sick minds of the world can do with a site like this. People post nude pictures (which is against the site's policies and can get your profile deleted), spew hatred, showcase their knitting club's latest works, pimp their band's music, lure people in with a fake profile to get them to join some pay porn site, disperse political propaganda, etc. It's all over the map and limited only by your imagination. Think of all the fake profiles out there and what they could be used for! More importantly, imagine how many people there are to make fun of!!!

One day Matt and LG stumbled onto a group of people cruising MySpace with fake profiles with the sole intention of looking for Douchebags to make fun of. LG is better known as Foot (below left) and Matt is New Dude (below right).

Douchebags seem to consist of anything from evil Nazi's to young rich idiots who have nothing better to talk about than how cool they look with their collars "popped" and how much better they are than everyone else.

Here's list of acceptable Douchebag targets:

White supremacists, pedophiles, homophobes, young dumb rich stuck up idiots with nothing in their brains, weirdoes who creep out females who happen to not be Douchebags, and in general anybody who opens their mouth and causes you to involuntarily chuckle, shake your head, and utter the phrase, "What a fucking Douchebag!"

When a fresh piece of Douche meat is found, a bulletin goes out calling everyone to action and the attack begins. Usually blogs are decorated with foul and nasty images of distended assholes and fat women spreading their gargantuan vaginas and other undesirable eye candy along with loud and annoying audio files that blast you when you open the blog and are of course repeated over and over to intensify the effect. In the end, the decimated blog is a true work of art that becomes so over posted with crap that it threatens to crash your computer upon opening it. This is the ultimate goal. At this point you are out of breath laughing your ass off because there are so many people dog piling the page that every time you refresh it there are ten more posts each funnier than the last.

Do you feel a little guilty for trashing someone and their page so viciously and for judging people? Yes... and of course, FUCK NO!! This is the lawless internet where anything is fair game and do not forget that the victims are, in the truest sense of the word... Douchebags. Is there a little douchebag in all of us? Yes...and of course....fuck no.

To explain it all would take a long ass boring book so instead go to MySpace and check it out for yourself especially if you yourself are a Douchebag! You too could be imortalized in a charming photoshop picture!

For instance...

One Douchie thought it would be "sweet" to post a picture of himself bending down in front of a Jaguar giving the THUMBS UP!! Bad idea...

Here's what became of that poor chap:

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Click here for the Douchebag Patrol anthem Click to play or right click and "Save As" to download. The legend of The Douchebag Patrol... To understand this song you have to understand the evil world of MySpace. If you have not heard of MySpace (first of all you need to pull your head from your rectum and get a clue and join the rest of us on planet Earth) you need to know that this is a massive worldwide networking website where hundreds of millions of users have their own web pages that can be personalized to reflect their personality. Anyone can join this site for free. It's like a mini version of the world and literally every type of person is represented in some way. Now imagine what the sick minds of the world can do with a site like this. People post nude pictures (which is against the site's policies and can get your profile deleted), spew hatred, showcase their knitting club's latest works, pimp their band's music, lure people in with a fake profile to get them to join some pay porn site, disperse political propaganda, etc. It's all over the map and limited only by your imagination. Think of all the fake profiles out there and what they could be used for! More importantly, imagine how many people there are to make fun of!!! One day Matt and LG stumbled onto a group of people cruising MySpace with fake profiles with the sole intention of looking for Douchebags to make fun of. LG is better known as Foot (below left) and Matt is New Dude (below right). Douchebags seem to consist of anything from evil Nazi's to young rich idiots who have nothing better to talk about than how cool they look with their collars "popped" and how much better they are than everyone else. Here's list of acceptable Douchebag targets: White supremacists, pedophiles, homophobes, young dumb rich stuck up idiots with nothing in their brains, weirdoes who creep out females who happen to not be Douchebags, and in general anybody who opens their mouth and causes you to involuntarily chuckle, shake your head, and utter the phrase, "What a fucking Douchebag!" When a fresh piece of Douche meat is found, a bulletin goes out calling everyone to action and the attack begins. Usually blogs are decorated with foul and nasty images of distended assholes and fat women spreading their gargantuan vaginas and other undesirable eye candy along with loud and annoying audio files that blast you when you open the blog and are of course repeated over and over to intensify the effect. In the end, the decimated blog is a true work of art that becomes so over posted with crap that it threatens to crash your computer upon opening it. This is the ultimate goal. At this point you are out of breath laughing your ass off because there are so many people dog piling the page that every time you refresh it there are ten more posts each funnier than the last. Do you feel a little guilty for trashing someone and their page so viciously and for judging people? Yes... and of course, FUCK NO!! This is the lawless internet where anything is fair game and do not forget that the victims are, in the truest sense of the word... Douchebags. Is there a little douchebag in all of us? Yes...and of course....fuck no. To explain it all would take a long ass boring book so instead go to MySpace and check it out for yourself especially if you yourself are a Douchebag! You too could be imortalized in a charming photoshop picture! For instance... One Douchie thought it would be "sweet" to post a picture of himself bending down in front of a Jaguar giving the THUMBS UP!! Bad idea... Here's what became of that poor chap: